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Sign Outside Springfield
Tips For Springfield Newcomers:
by PANDORA1 and CJ
- Beware of our Bee Population (Ben, Beth, Billy, Blake and Buzz), could have serious side-effects. At the very least they're loud,
nosey little pests.
- If you come in contact with above, don't go to Cedars Hospital, they only perform weddings and police interrogations.
- If you are a bleach blond, bring a good supply with you. Springfield runs out fast.
- If you need an attorney, GOOD LUCK. One's disbarred and the other shot his wife.
- PLEASE don't ask about our police department. It's too involved a story to put on this sign. We are expecting a new detective but she used to be blind.
- You can ask Jesse for directions, but unless you have a full tank of gas, you're better off using a map.
- If you see a dog named Scout, he's not lost, just forgotten.
- If you're looking for the Lewis residence listen for Whoopee, Yippee, or Yee Haw. You're getting close.
- You need employment? We need a D.A. (No Election Necessary).
- If your child has problems....We have the camp for it.
- There are only three doctors at Cedars who aren't crooked (Rick, Ed, Charles). The rest will change test results for you for a small fee.
- Pray you aren't related to Ben Warren.
- If you see Holly on the road, pull over and let her pass.
- If you see a strange bright light, it's not a UFO, just the reflection off of Harley's engagement ring.
- Please donate clothes to a woman named Beth Raines. She is a millionaire but only has two suits.
- If you see Reva walk by and then a few seconds later you see her walk by again, don't ask about it. Just accept what you saw and move on.
- If you're looking for a man, go by Blake's house. The man traffic is heavy coming in and out of there.
- Do not let Harley watch your dog when you go out of town. You're better off letting it run loose while you are gone.
- If you are an old girlfriend of Phillip's and he pined, and pined away for you for years, and even dug up your grave when he thought you were dead, don't expect him to remember.
- Don't go to Cassie's hair dresser. She hasn't noticed that Cassie has foot long roots.
- Whatever you do, don't call the Springfield police if you need help. Only one cop is employed and he's not exactly the shiniest penny in the fountain.
- You will forget all relatives that don't live in Springfield once you move here.
- If you want to kill Reva, don't waste your time. It's not going to happen.
- You can't go visit Lillian, she doesn't have a house.
- Appreciate the time you have with your kids, they grow up really fast here.
- Don't be fooled by people telling you Springfield is a small town. Just look out at any high rise and you'll see that it is actually bigger than New York City.
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