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Setting: Holly (wreeking of booze) is scrubbing stalker graffiti off her wall with a wet sponge as Ben walks through her door, Unannounced and uninvited as usual. Ben: "Tsk, tsk. Scribbling on the walls again Holly? If you don't knock off the scotch, I'm going to have to take your crayons away." Holly: "What are YOU doing here? Get out. NOW!!!" Ben: "Uh uh. I hate to interrupt your love affair with the bottle, but I had second thoughts about helping you with Uncle Nutzo." Holly: "Don't call him that. Ken is twice the man you are and he's been through a lot. He made a stupid mistake over twenty years ago and he's been paying for it ever since." Ben: "Ah, you mean using Dr. Ed for target practice? I know about that. Doesn't help his case now, does it?" Holly: "He's a scared and confused man. He's lost so much already." Ben: "His mind?" Holly (annoyed): "His family. His daughter, his wife, now his freedom...again." Ben: "You know, if we can prove he's still a few french fries short of a Happy Meal, we might get him off by reason of insanity. Then you can sue the shrink who declared him competant and signed his release from the rubber room. Uncle Nutzo..uh I mean Ken... would be rolling in the dough. he could even afford to build a Belfry for all his bats." Holly: "You just have to ridicule people, don't you? It will be a cold day in Hell before I accept your help now." Ben: "Satan's putting on his longjohns as we speak." Holly: "My friends will get me through this." Ben: "Yes, Holly, your best friends---Bartyles and James, Jack Daniels and the always popular Bud Wiser. Or, are you already reduced to drinking mouthwash for the alcohol content?" Holly (venomously): "why don't you have a nice glass of weed killer and then take a bath? I'll fill the tub for you." Ben: "Good idea. Now that Blakie's walking again, she can join me and scrub my back." Holly sighs. Ben: "I came here out of the goodness in my heart, to help a poor tortured man. I only ask one small favor in return." Holly: "Rumor has it there's brothel on the south side of town. They'll take care of your "favors". Ben (smirking): "heh heh. Dial 1-900-Selena." Holly: "what?" Ben: "Nothing. That's not the kind of favor I want, but I can see I'm wasting my time here. I'm leaving." Holly (looks skyward): "He's seen the light, thank God." Ben: "Oh Well. I tried. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya." Ben leaves. Creepy music starts. Holly (nervously): "You can come out now. He's gone." Man steps out from behind a doorway. Man: "Holly, that was too close. If anyone figures out who I am..." Holly: "No one will. I said I'd help you and take the rap for you if you didn't hurt me or Blake and as long as Ken was released." Man: "Ken & Blake will be fine. I have plans for them. You, on the other hand, have a big problem." Holly (scared and increasingly agitated): "NO.!!! Don't... Please. I'll be good. I'll grow on your focus groups. They'll begin to like me, you'll see. They're just too young to remember me. I used to be bigtime. I could be again, if somebody would write me a decent storyline." Holly (defensive and sarcastic): "Making my Fletch and Little Meg fly the coop. what was the deal there, huh? Smooth move, Ex-lax. That was REAL popular with the fans. C'mon, Paul, give me a clone. That'll show those pinhead critics, huh?" Man reaches into his pocket to pull something out. Holly cries hysterically. Holly: "Not that, please" Man: "Sorry Holly, you must go." Man whips out pink slip, hands it to Holly. Man: "See you around" Holly: "Paul, please. Let me stay. I'll dye my hair blond? Nice and straight? Oh god, I need a drink." Holly picks up wine bottle. Paul Rauch deftly snatches the bottle from Holly's hand." Paul: "Sorry, dear. The Prop Department needs this back." Holly collapses, sobbing loudly, Paul Rauch steps outside. Paul: "No one must ever know I AM THE STALKER!!! Heheheh. Sean & Jenna, you're next!" Cut to CBS News Bulletin. CBS News Bulletin theme plays, Dan Rather shuffles paper while waiting uncomfortably for introduction to to end." Announcer: "And now from New York, Dan Rather" Dan: "Good afternoon. Approximately ten minutes ago, we here at CBS received word that absolutely nothing of national interest has occured today. I repeat, Nothing is happening. Let's go to special correspondent Bryant Gumbel, Bryant?" Bryant: "That's right Dan, it's dullsville out here." Dan: " Thank you Bryant. That was Special correspondant Bryant Gumbel telling us nothing is going on. We will stay with this story until further developments occur. Let's just stand by and regroup................nothing yet?, ok.........(twiddles thumbs and hums theme from bonanza).....anything?............plane crash?.......impeachment?.........Ken Starr get a hangnail?.........Hurry up people, I know I'm Gonna miss Oprah.............Aw forget it, we'll be back later. This is Dan Rather, Good Afternoon." Announcer: "We now return you to your regularly scheduled program already in progress" GL ending theme with Announcer: "Tell us what you think. Call our viewer feedback line" Holly (still heard screaming in the background): "You wanna know what I think, you morons? I think you all are pathetic. I wish Roger were here. He'd teach you a lesson or two." (Holly hikes up her skirt and puts on a Hanson CD) Look, WOO HOO!!! I'm a teenybopper, you can hire me back now. (dances drunkenly around house) Wheeeee!!! MTV Rocks!!!!! Long Live Puff Daddy. Aerosmith Rules!......"
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