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Setting: Aboard the Santos family (sorry, I mean Fah-mee-lee) yacht, the motley band of would-be Reva Rescuers are planning their attack on San Cristobel Island. Jim: Alright people, let's get this plan under way. Danny, tell the captain to start the engines. (Loud barfing noise is heard off camera where Cassie is hiding in a closet in one of the ship's cabins) Matt: Is that normal for the boat to sound that way? Michelle (nervously): Oh...yes.. Isn't that right, Honey? Its the new engine Carmen installed. Danny (eyeing Michelle suspiciously with a slight knowing smirk): Yes, its the new Turbo-Puke 2000 model. Jim: Ok, from here on out, my codename will be "J.J.", got it? It's short for "jumpin' Jim". Danny: Ok. I got it. Jim: You're supposed to say "Roger" when confirming an order that you've been given. Danny: Why do I have to call you Roger? Your name is Jim..I mean JJ. Josh: If he's Roger, I want to be Phillip. I can grit my teeth just like him, see? (grits teeth and pulls hair) Matt: I want to be Prince Richard, HE gets airtime almost every day. Jim: Cut it out! Nobody is going to be anyone but themselves. Matt: What's my codename going to be? Jim: Ummmm....Well we didn't expect you to be coming along so we haven't figured out one for you yet. Danny: How about "ICP"? Matt: ICP? what does that mean? Danny: Invisible Contract-Player. Matt: Hey, it fits me these days. Jim: Danny, your code name will be "Mama's boy". Danny: Take that back or I'll put out a hit on you! Jim: You mean YOUR MAMA will. Josh: Stop it! Stop fighting. Reva's life is at stake here. Go on, Jim. What's my codename? Jim: Josh your codename is "Compadre", got that Amigo? Josh: Yeah, but I have to confess. I flunked Spanish. Jim: That doesn't matter. It's time to start the RRO. Josh: RRO? what is that? Jim (annoyed): Reva Rescue Operation. C'mon Josh. Get with the program! Josh: Sorry, this Rambo stuff is all new to me. I'm used to dealing with clones and ghosts, not overpowering small island countries. Do we have every thing we'll need? Jim: I didn't have much time to track stuff down but I did find a couple AK-47s and some plastic explosives at the Girl Scout Rummage sale last week. Josh: I hope we won't need all that. I just want to punch Prince Richie's lights out and drag my wife home by her hair, like any macho action hero would. Jim: Now, you're talking. Let's go kick some San Cristobals! Josh's cellphone rings. Josh: hello? Rusty: Josh, it's me. I just wanted to check in with you. I got your message on my machine about rescuing Reva. Are you sure you won't need my help? I can leave Tulsa and meet you in San Cristobel in 10 minutes. Five minutes if I break the speed limit. Josh: No, Rusty. I think we have it handled. Besides, some of our techniques could be unorthodox for a police detective, even for an Ex-Springfield Police Detective. It's best you don't get involved. Hawk (to Rusty): Is that Jahsh? I'll tell you, if I could git my hands on them blue blooded royals that're holdin' Sister prisoner, I'd show them a thang or two. Rusty: I thought your Sciatica was acting up, Pop. Remember? It started when I asked you to help me reshingle my roof? But since you're OK now, we can get started.......... Hawk: Uh...oh yeah...I plumb fergot about that. Ahhh...oooh...It's acting up on me as we speak. I think I'd better go lie down. Josh: Tell Hawk to take it easy-- As if you have to tell him to do that. I'll call you when we're on the way home with Reva. Rusty: Ok, you be careful Josh. Don't do anything rash or stupid. Josh: We have a whole plan set up and I have a highly trained navy seal leading the rescue mission. I think we're in good hands. Goodbye Rusty. (click) Jim (looking puzzled at a hand grenade): Let's see now.. Do you pull the pin and throw the grenade or throw the pin and hold the grenade? It's been so long, I can't remember. It'll all come back to me once we hit the island. (At Rusty's...) Hawk: He best git Sister home or he'll have tah answer tah me. Rusty: Take it easy, Pop. Josh hired a Seal to lead the mission to rescue Reva. Hawk: A Seal? Has that boy gone outta his mind? What in tarnation is a seal gonna do, bark when he spots Reva? Maybe balance a beachball on his snout? Rusty: Not that kind of seal, a Navy Seal. Hawk: Ay don't care if that seal was trained by the French Fahreign Legion, ain't no animal smart enough to lead a rescue mission. 'Cept maybe Lassie. Now that dawg is smart. Lookit how he kin rescue Little Timmy every time he falls in a well. Rusty: Pop, why don't you take the kids for some ice cream. Hawk: You don't need tah come up with an excuse to send me away. Ay am an adult, if you want me tah git outta yer hair, jest tell me. Rusty: Pop, get out of my hair! Hawk: Now that is a fine how-do-ya-do. Is that any kinda way to treat yer ole man? Meanwhile back on the boat, Jim and the others have found a seasick Cassie hiding in the closet. Jim: Aha! a stowaway! You'll get 50 demerits for this, not to mention a court martial. Cassie: Get a grip, Jim. I'm not a Seal. Jim: Why do you have green camouflage paint on your face then? Michelle: I think it's her skin color, she looks pretty sick. Cassie: Urp....I think I'm gonna be sick again!! Jim: Ok, Ms. Layne, front and center. I order you to hit the head right now! Cassie: Hit the head? I'm not Beth, you know! Josh: "Hit the head" is a Navy term for "go to the bathroom" Cassie: Right here? Danny: NO!!!! Its the third door on your left!!! Matt: Look guys, I'm not clear what my part in the mission is. Jim: You go to the party as Danny & Michelle's guest then meet us back here at the boat after Josh and I get Reva. Matt: What do I do at the party? Jim: Drink punch, dance a waltz..What do you normally do at parties? Matt: Fade into the background with Vanessa, after we do our usual two line scene. I thought this time I'd have more to do. I was hoping I could live vicariously through someone else's front burner storyline if the writers won't give me one of my own. Jim: I'll tell you what. You can grab a mop and swab the head after Cassie gets done in there. Matt (sadly): Big wow. Michelle: What about Cassie, is there any place in this rescue mission for her? She's going to hate feeling left out of things. Jim: Cassie can provide coverfire for us when we flee the castle with Reva. Josh: No, I don't want Cassie involved in any gunplay. She's Reva's only sister. Well, sure there's Roxie but we don't like to talk about her anymore. (whispers to Jim) She's a few peanuts short of a Snickers bar. Jim: Relax, Cassie can cover us with her projectile vomiting. No one is going to be dumb enough to stand in the line of fire for that. Cassie returns from the bathroom Cassie: I feel awful. Jim, I think I'll take some of those Saltine crackers you offered me. Jim: hrmrhrm. Cassie: What? Danny (with a mouthful of Saltines): He said "we ate them all." Cassie: The whole package? Jim: The whole box. Doling out vigilante justice always gives me the munchies. Matt: Heads up everybody, we have a plot complication here. A patrol boat just pulled alongside us. Josh: Sounds like its just about that time. Jim: Time for what? Lots of gratuitous violence and gunfire? Josh: Nope, time for the guy who ends the show by saying "Tell us what you think" Matt: You don't want to know what I think!
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