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Setting: Rick and Abby are celebrating her new impant surgery at Millenium. Drew is talking to Jesse and Max. Drew: Max, how was Susan's Birthday party? I'm sorry I missed it. Max: It was OK. The bouncer had to throw a few people out for making out in public. Drew: I hope he wasn't too hard on them. They're only kids. Max: Kids? It was Susan's father and Beth Raines. Man, those two needed to be hosed off or something. What's that book you're looking at. Jesse: It's a list of people who could be Drew's father. Drew: Jesse!!! It's Selena's address book. She and your ...I mean OUR mom had some of the same....friends. Jesse: And they're all named John. Drew: I thought Selena might have met my father so I borrowed the book to see. Max: (takes book and looks at it) Hmm.... John Smith, John Brown, John Jones, John Johnson... Jesse: John Johnson? Woah, Selena went out with the guy who plays Nash Bridges?! Drew: No, that's DON Johnson, this is JOHN Johnson. Max: Yeah, as if Selena would have ever met Don Johnson. Max: I guess Selena and mom liked guys named john. Drew: Oh they had plenty of Johns in their life. Jesse: maybe even a Ben or two.
Rick and Abby are seated at a table at Millenium. Phillip walks over to see them. Abby is shredding yet another box of Kleenex and tossing them all around. Phillip: Hey pal. I suppose there's a good reason why Abby is attacking that box of tissue? Abby: Oh, hi Phillip. Your Voice!!!! I like it!!!!! Ewwww....say something again... Phillip: I guess your surgery went well if you can hear me. What should I say? I know, I'll sing something. Abby: I only meant that I like your SPEAKING voice. Even when I was only reading lips I could tell you were tone deaf. Rick: It's so great. Abby is opening up to a whole new world of sounds. It's like she's a baby seeing the ocean for the first time, just taking it all in. Abby: Rick, make that noise you made last night. It was wonderful. You know the one that goes "Braaap". Rick: The one I made after I ate the baked beans and warm beer? I try to save that one for special occasions. Abby: It was so funny, I loved that sound. We kept getting this funny smell right after Rick would make that noise. It reminded me of the cows in Goshen. Phillip: Congratulations Bauer, you finally found a woman who can put up with your gastrointestinal disorder. Rick: Laugh it up Spaulding, you'll be changing diapers soon enough. Baby's don't always smell like rose petals you know. Cassie talks to Jim. Cassie: So these are the plans Josh wanted you to look over while he and Reva are on their honeymoon. Beth: Jim, what a suprise to see you here. And Cassie, you're here too.... Cassie: I was just debriefing Jim on the new job contract at Lewis Oil. Beth: I'm the only one here who'll be "debriefing" Jim. Don't you have something menial to do on that farm of yours? Slop the hogs? Muck out the horse stalls? Cassie: Actually there is a jackass I should be tending to, but I figure I'll let Jim handle that. Jim, she's all yours. Cassie leaves. Beth: Well...that was rude. If there's anything I can't stand, it's a woman with a chip on her shoulders. She thinks because she lost the man of her life that she has the excuse to treat people like dirt and cling on to any man who gives her a second look. Pathetic women like that really disgust me. Jim: And the way they dress to kill with those white pearls and tacky orange outfits Beth: Um...I wear those things Jim. Jim: .......So......How about this weather we're having. Beth: Forget that, let's get back to this "debriefing"... Beth and Jim paw each other like caged rabbits in heat. Susan walks in. On seeing Jeth making out, she pretends to be sick. Susan (lying): Dad, I feel sick. I think my appendix just burst. Jim: That's fine honey, why don't you go show your friend Max. Susan: No, I need a doctor. Jim: I think you're a bit too young to play doctor. Why don't you and Lizzie see if you can talk the bartender into making you a milkshake. Susan: Are you listening to me? (gets desperate) (lies again) Lizzie and I both got pregnant by Max. Beth: Send us some baby pictures. Now Scram! Jim: Yeah, come on Sues. Give us some privacy. Susan: (lies yet again) uh.....I just heard on the radio that NATO is bombing Springfield by mistake! Jim: I never knew Springfield had any embassys. Lizzie: Susan, you're not doing this right. You have to get their attention by lying about something they actually CARE about. Watch this. Lizzie: Mommy, Daddy and Harley had a fight and Daddy is over at the bar feeling lonely. Beth jumps up. Beth: Jim, can I take a raincheck on this debriefing thing. I gotta go! Beth leaves quickly, very quickly. Jim: Sues, what was that you were saying? Something about Max's appendix getting NATO pregnant? I guess I wasn't paying attention. My mind was elsewhere. Susan: (with sarcasm) Maybe it was keeping your tongue company in Beth's throat.
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