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Setting: Reva and Josh are preparing for their wedding which is to take place in a few minutes. Most of Springfield is in attendance. Billy is talking to his son Bill. Billy: Well son, looks like the big day is here. Your Uncle Josh and Aunt Reva have been waiting for this day for a long, long time. Bill: I know. I hope that they..... BANG !!!!! Bill: Oh No, not again!!!! Bill leaps face first to the ground, curling up in a fetal position. Billy: What's wrong with you, boy? Bill slowly gets up and examines his chest. Bill (tearfully): Omigod, please tell me I don't have a gaping chest wound! Billy: What? That wasn't a gun, it was a truck backfiring. Bill: Phew, that was close. Billy: Son, you're all right. But, you'd better go change your shorts now. You did bring a spare pair? Bill: I always do, Dad. Just in case. Cut over to Vanessa and Beth. Beth: Oh Vanessa, I never got the chance to tell you what I thought of your new hairstyle. It's very.....original. Matt REALLY loves blondes, I'm sure he's thrilled with it. Vanessa: He's been very supportive about it, the change was my choice. Beth: It makes the years drop off, and it's much cheaper than all that EXTENSIVE plastic surgery you were planning to have. Vanessa: Oh, aren't you a dear for bringing that up. And how are those weak ankles of yours? I hope your tennis game hasn't suffered from them. You were such a great player. I'll bet you're too modest to tell Jim about all those trophies you won. I'll have to clue him in, so he'll know just what he's up against...I mean when you two play tennis, of course. Beth: Really Vanessa, I don't like to brag... Vanessa: Nonsense, I think Jim should know about all your little accomplishments since you came back to town. You're very athletic. I can't imagine ever trying to bunjee jump off of the Towers club roof without a bunjee cord. To those of us non athletes, that would look like suicide. Beth (nervous): I really have to be going, I want a good seat when the wedding starts. Vanessa: Good for you, you claw your way past all those OTHER pathetically desperate women and snatch the bouquet when Reva throws it. Dylan (singing): Where, oh where are you tonight. How could you leave me here all alone. I searched the world over and thought I found true love. But you met another and Pfft...you were gone. Phillip: That was great, Dylan. what's the name of that tune? Dylan: The Ballad of Josh and Reva. I'm hoping for a recording contract. Rick: You know, Phillip and I are launching singing careers also. He sings lead and I sing backup. Dylan: Here, use my guitar and sing something. I need a break anyway. Abby: What are you doing Honey? Rick: Phil & I are going to do a song. Just think, if you get those cochlear implants you'll be able to hear every note we sing. Abby: I'm really starting to have second thoughts about getting those implants. Phillip: Are you afraid of what you won't be able to hear if they don't work? Abby: No, I'm afraid of what I WILL hear if they DO work. Phillip: (strumming guitar) Pick a key, Bauer. Rick: um....The key of C. Phillip: I only know D Minor. Rick: Close enough. Phillip: "You are my sunshine.." Rick: "...Baby, baby, baby" Phillip: "My only sunshine..." As Rick and Phillip perform musical homicide on an american standard, A shadowy figure arrives at the wedding atop a donkey. He sees Reva alone and approaches. Juan Valdez: Buenos Dias, Reva. I am here to take you away from this madness. Reva: Are you my ride to the ceremony? It beats the dinky rowboat I rode at my last wedding. I just hope he's potty trained. Juan: No, I am King Juan Valdez. I'm your secret love from San Cristobel. You washed up in my fishing net and we bonded ever so briefly before Don Santos took you away and married you. After your wedding we began a secret affair that lasted until the great Santos Burrito factory explosion. I thought you had drowned with the others in the refried bean flood until I read in the newspaper that you were marrying again. Don Corleone Santos was flattened by falling tortillas, I'm afraid he is dead. Reva: You are the connection to San Cristobel. It's coming back to me now. I remember being covered in guacamole and some american philanthropist bringing in relief workers to help clean up after the disaster. He rescued me from that chihuahua dog who thought I was a giant taco. Juan: Yes, Senor Sampson. He spent millions to help our small country rebuild. All he wanted in return was to take you back to America with him. Reva: Sampson? Is that Kyle Sampson? Kyle Sampson walks in. Kyle: Yes, Reva. It is. I had to see you, to explain what happened. You flew out of San Cristobel with me and we had a stopover in Las Vegas. I knew who you were but I didn't tell you. We got drunk and one thing lead to another...before we knew it we were being married at the Elvis Chapel of Love by Wayne Newton. Then tragedy struck. A misthrown pair of dice at a craps table hit you in the head. You suffered yet another bout of amnesia. I checked you in to a hospital but you wandered off. Reva: Yes, I had no memory of why I was in Las Vegas so I jumped a bus to the first place I saw on a map, Goshen. When I got there, I made up a name for myself, Rebecca. And I lived there until Alan came and recognized me. Josh arrives. Josh: Reva, if we don't get out there soon, Rick and Phillip are going to sing another chorus of "You are my sunshine". Juan: You must be the one known as "Bud"? Josh: Who are you, and why is Kyle here? Kyle: It would seem, Reva has a choice to make. There are three men here who want to claim Reva as their own. She needs to decide which of us will win her affection. Fronkey: the Donkey: I have something to say that may change everything. Reva, you and I were involved in an affair during the time you were having an affair with the king and during your marriage to Don Corleone Santos. You became pregnant with my child but passed it off as a Santos. he never knew the little jackass was mine. Kyle: Reva, that creature was your son? I thought it was a pet of yours. I never figured out why you were so attached to him and wanted to bring him to Vegas with us. When you left, I sold him to a petting Zoo in Carson City. Fronkey:: Where I found him and bought him back. Eyore, some meet your mother. Eyore: Yeah? She's my mom? (Whispers) How come she doesn't have big ears, a strong manure-like stench,a furry back and a tail like we do, Dad? Fronkey:: Shhhh. You'll hurt her feelings. Reva: My son, Joshua. He's my son. This changes everything. I can't marry you. Not when I know Fronkey: was out there all these years waiting and hoping that I was still alive. I left my son for some amish farm community. Those dice robbed me of more than my memory when I got hit in the head by them, they robbed me of my baby burro and my true soulmate, Fronkey:. Kyle: If only that stupid nurse on vacation hadn't thrown those dice at you. I curse the day Annie Dutton played craps at our table that night. Josh: You mean, Annie was the one who.....oh it figures! Reva: Fronkey:, lets run away together.... Fronkey:: Nope, no can do. I was just hired as a new detective for the Springfield PD, you probably know my partner Frank Cooper. My career comes first. Juan: Now, I am so alone. No Reva, no Fronkey:.... Blake spies King Juan from a distance and is attracted to him. Blake: So, what's a cute king like you doing in a dump like this? I lost my phone number, can I have yours? If I told you you had a great body, would you hold it against me? Juan: You sound like a desperate floozy. I like that in a woman. Let's talk over dinner. Juan and Blake leave arm in arm. Frank: Fronkey:, I heard on my police radio that there was a 214 at the 7-11 at 2:25 pm. Let's roll partner. Fronkey:: I don't roll, I saunter. At best I can do a semi-trot. Frank and Fronkey: leave. Josh: Ok Reva, make your choice. Kyle or me. Eyore: Mom, I'm bored. Reva: Why don't you go get some ice cream, Eyore. Then maybe Aunt Meta will tell you a story. Eyore leaves . Kyle: come on Reva. who will it be? Josh: "Always, Reva". Remember those words? Do they mean anything to you anymore? Reva: Aw heck, you have to throw that at me don't you. Sorry Kyle...Bud has a point, I gave him my word. Of course I can schedule an affair with you for my next bout of amnesia. The way these writers recycle storylines, that won't take long to happen. So Jeva are a couple once again, Dylan got a big recording contract and mercifully Phillip and Rick didn't. Fronkey: and Frank shared a kiss and Eleni hit the ceiling when she found out. Eyore replaced Shayne as the Lewis Family pet. As for King Juan and Blake....well, you can figure out what they did!!! (Again and again and again!!!)
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