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The back-biting comments, humor, or sarcastic remarks often make the show more enjoyable to watch. Here are just a few of the zingers characters have thrown back and forth.
Annie: Holly kidnapped nine children, and they think I'm crazy?
Carmen: You're a treasure.
Blake: I've been told men and women can be friends without sleeping with each other.
India: Drinking before noon? My guess is, that drink you're having isn't the only thing on the rocks.
Carmen: I forgot the camera.
Reva (to a hypnotist): You're not going to make me sing Elvis or walk like a dog or anything, are you?
Ben: What are you going to do? Tie an anchor around my neck and throw me off a pier? I don't think so.
Harley: Well Beth, you got here just in the nick of time. I was almost going to ruin Susan's party with good taste.
Cassie: I know you don't want to hear this, but one day your little Susan is going to leave the nest. And she's going to live her own life and she's going to date a guy you totally don't approve of. And where are you going to be?
India (referring to Ben): Oh, Alan, I hadn't realized you had purchased a mangy pet.
Rick: You could not resist the urge to top me.
Beth: He did give me flowers.
Alan: Reva, Annie is dead.
Harley: Have you ever heard of Spaulding Enterprises? They have branch offices here in New York. This is Phillip Spaulding.
Jesse: I'm running a little behind.
Frank: It's common knowledge that there's bad blood between the Spauldings and the Lewises.
India: This reminds me of a New Year's Eve I spent in Greece.
Danny: Don't be scared.
Dr. Morton: If it's none of my business, tell me to shut up.
Carmen: I'm really a very nice person. I go to Mass, I watch the soaps. I'm just like your mother.
D.A. Wolf: Letting Annie Dutton out on bail would be like letting a little Bubonic plague out on a subway system.
Ben: So, what did you do to Alan Spalding?
Vanessa (to Matt): We never had this kind of problem until that predatory bitch walked into our lives!
Annie: You should be happy that I've made such a success of your life.
Reva: I try to protect myself, I live by a few very simple rules. Don't come within a mile of Alan and Annie without backup. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right. And never let your guard down when you're playing checkers with Billy.
Alexandra: When Nick is running Spaulding Enterprises he's going to be meeting some very major people, heads of state, captains of industry. They're going to laugh at him if he comes waltzing into a room with someone like Melinda Lewis on his arm. Face it, she's just Ivana Trump without the charming European accent.
India: Shouldn't you be up to your eyeballs in tarts and times?
Ben: I ran into Alan Spaulding.
Ross: India, I don't need a tux!
India: Alexandra is my stepmother. The Brothers Grimm depiction of the breed is quite correct, if you know what I mean.
Phillip: What is this?
Annie: Bastard!
Drew: It's obvious you don't have anything important to say, so make like lightning and bolt!
Dinah: Thank God I found you. I need your help. Hart found out that Cassie's baby is his.
India: When was the last time you were with a woman other than your soon-to-be ex?
Dinah: I was sick.
Ross: That sounds like a tango.
India: Father may be in his grave, but you still look the same.
Annie: I'm the gift that just won't stop giving.
Alex (to Annie): You're nothing but a caged animal here. You're Alan's pet rat.
Alex (to Annie): This little lip quivering vulnerable act of yours may work with men, it obviously does, but it just makes me want to vomit all over your new face.
Alex (to Annie): Well, your new face seems to suit you. When you go in for a makeover, you don't kid around.
Alex (to Alan, about Annie): Mistakes? There isn't enough carpet in all of the orient to sweep her stupid mistakes under.
Alex (to Alan, about Annie): I am calling the police. And just for insurance I'm gonna call an exorcist.
Alex (about Annie): Alan this isn't love, this is sickness. And once she's behind bars I'm going to see that you get the help you need to get over her.
Alex (to Alan, about Annie): I don't understand that you're in love with a lunatic, no. I don't understand electricity either, but I know if you put your finger in a light socket you can die.
Alex (to Alan): You look like Alan Spaulding, you're wearing his suit, his clothes, but I don't have any idea who you are.
Drew (to Selena): What would you be - a hostess/hooker?
Selena (to Drew): Even the most expensive clothes can't hide what you are - trash.
Drew: We're not going to be friends.
Hart: My wife, she's really happy. My girlfriend, on the other hand, she's mad as hell.
Jenna: Where's your man, Selena?
Teri: Rest in peace, Annie Dutton. or, according to the coroner, several pieces.
Dinah: You are the most self-centered person in the universe.
Lizzie: She has everything a real bride has except the bouquet.
Cassie: I love smoked salmon.
Alan: Come on, Beth, never say die.
Harley: It's supposed to make you feel more...virginal.
Beth (to bartender): Hi. Give me a shot of rubbing alcohol and a glazed doughnut - kidding!
Lizzie: Is cooking fun, Mommy?
Ross: Who was that?
Alan: Listen, Detective DiCaprio, I'm a very busy man.
Meta: I'm ready. General Schwarzkopf went to war with less equipment!
Jesse: We went to the beach, and our day at the beach wasn't exactly a day at the beach.
Selena: That's why I never married a cop. That -- and other obvious reasons.
Harley: You're acting like she's a piece of bad real estate you want to unload.
Phillip: Do you ever stop? I am trying to welcome you into the family!
Ken: I'm not allowed to use straws. Cassie: This is not Gilligan's Island, this is Springfield, and this is not appropriate.
Vicky: You're forgetting that Brandon's blood courses through these veins, Alan.
Drew: Come on, Michelle, you're pre-med!
Ben (to Holly): You might want to have a cup of coffee in between those Bloody Marys.
Cassie: There has to be something you can do besides sit there and wait.
Beth: She's slept her way through most of the Spaulding Mansion.
Dinah (to Hart, referring to Cassie): She's talking about nothing. She's lying through her rotten teeth.
Alan (to Frank): I will hit you with a harassment suit so hard, the likes of it would make the man in the Oval Office pale.
Dinah (to Cassie): You're about as subtle as your dye job.
Vanessa (to Dinah): Right, Maureen has a kidney. Maybe I should concentrate on finding my other daughter a heart.
Reva: Maybe we should call the police.
David: You guys really look alike.
Cassie (to Sean): Do you ever wear a shirt? This Tarzan routine may have worked on my sister but it's being wasted on me.
Cassie: Why don't you go out in the waiting room and give me a minute alone with Dinah?
Cassie: The baby needs iron and these things are full of it.
Blake: Why don't you just slap a scarlet letter on my chest and be over with it?
Ben: We've got to stop meeting like this. People are going to talk.
Beth: I'm always laying my problems at your feet.
Cassie: Seems like we're in the same boat.
Ben: This must be my lucky day.
Cleva (to Josh): I grew up in a petri dish and you're looking for logical explanations?
Beth: Phillip and I haven't been this close in a long time.
Abigail (referring to jail): Why do you keep coming back?
Drew: I didn't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to make sure you were here.
Harley (to Phillip): I've said adios to you so many times, I'm becoming fluent in Spanish!
Cleva: Oh - she liked to get a rise out of people.
Cleva: Take me dancing. Josh (referring to Cassie): It's got to be as if you adore her. Buzz (to Josh, talking about Cleva): Okay, who's that Pod Person in my diner? Selena (to Abby): This is great. You can't hear me and I love to talk. We're going to make great partners. Selena (to Abby): Men, can't live with 'em, can't kill all of them. Rick: Everything I say to her is wrong. Phillip: Who needs women?
Reva: What are these?
Billy: She probably just wants to get some people in the church to fill up the pews.
Annie: I don't know why you insist on using the front door. You know the service entrance is around back.
Buzz: It's for medicinal purposes.
Wedding Guest: Lovely blonde attendant. Who is she?
Roger: You think he's telling the truth?
Josh: This sucks.
Rob: Cassie used to say that I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
Alan: Why would a sane man like Micahel have a bomb?
Vanessa (to Alan): Call Mike Wallace and 60 Minutes. If you are going to make an idiot of yourself, you might as well make a national idiot of yourself. Call Geraldo or Oprah or what's his name -- Captain Kangaroo.
Reva (to the press, in reference to Alan saying she's been cloned): The next thing he'll be saying is that Springfield has been taken over by aliens, and Mulder and Scully are being called in.
Alan: That's the thing with Josh. He lets his conscience get int he way of his business sense.
Hawk (to Rick): I'm gonna make Bauer-bits out of you!
Teen Cleva: I want to go on a trip to the most wonderful place in the world. I think it's called Genoa City.
Cassie: You've only known Josh for a month. That's not long enough.
Harley: I have been the kinder, gentler Harley. And look where it's gotten me! I hav ebeen stepped on royally. Hey, you know what? We don't even need a doormat. You can just use me because I have Beth's footprints all over my back.
Harley: Oh, I'm in love.
Abby: I can think of one thing that I want more than anything else in the world.
Selena: Oh, so you decided to call him Rocky?
Teri: Well, don't you look comfy, like you don't have a care in the world. Almost as if you hadn't been charged with rape.
Beth: Are you nuts? Are you completely bananas?
Jenna: We're supposed to be re-enacting a murder, but with that gargling, you sound like you're adutioning for a mouthwash commercial.
Abby: Everything is fine.
Dinah: I knew that Cassie was good at the bump-and-grind, but I had no idea she was so good at tap-dancing.
Ross: I'm angry, and I have every right to be.
Hart: No offense, Reva, but you could get a better wig at a car wash.
Hart: Now, we can get back to normal.
Dinah: How do I know you're not the clone?
Dinah: For your information, I don't eat red meat. I don't eat anything with eyes.
Abby: Where is your heart?
Frank: Do you honestly think Annie's out there eating a Happy Meal, chuckling to herself how clever she is?
Josh: All right, Lillian and Nola are on their way over. |
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