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by Margery
The following Rxs were phoned in to the Oakdale Pharmacy this morning by Dr. Cheer E. Ho, Oakdale's newest and most
revered physician.
- Patient: James Stenbeck /Rx: Dizapeer (#365) 500 mg, 1 tab qd. Refill x 1 yr. Drug Info: The effects of this drug will be
obvious, immediate, and irreversible. Patient should not expect to be visible on CBS Daytime.
- Patient: Lucinda Walsh /Rx: Retrofil (#30) 100 mg, 4 tab qd. Refill x 12 Drug Info: This drug reverses the effects of farking.
Patient should continue use until normal personality is restored.
- Patient: Lucinda Walsh /Rx: Kammansenz (#60) 500 mg, 4 capsules qd. Refill x 12. Drug info: This drug restores reason in
patient. Usually prevents marriages with totally unsuitable partners and increases business acumen.
- Patient: Emily Stewart /Rx: Fazit (#360) 1000 mg, l tab qd. Refill x 1 yr. Drug Info: This drug should begin to help patient
distinguish reality from fantasy within two weeks. It has also been useful in preventing self-centeredness and smirking. Often more
effective with complete bedrest in psychiatric isolation unit.
- Patient: Tom Hughes /Rx: Ouakup (generic for Nodoze) (#720) 25 mg, 24 tab qd. Refill x 4 years. Drug Info: The effects of
this drug will be felt immediately. Prevents spacing out and keeps patient on his toes 24 hours a day. Side effects: extreme
unrelieved guilt can occur.
- Patient: Brad Snyder /Rx: Rigoler (#720) 100 mg, 24 tab qd. Refill x 3 mos. Drug Info: This drug counteracts perpetual angst
and is a known cure for C.F.S. (chronic frowning syndrome). Double the dosage if patient is exposed to Camillitis.
- Patient: Camille Bennett /Rx: Nitigriti (#365) 200 mg, 1 capsule qd. Refill x 1 year. Drug Info: This drug is an antidote for
self-pity, blubbering, breathlessness, and confusion. It has also been known to help patients stand on their own two feet. Sometimes
prevents falling into bed with available men.
- Patients: Bob Hughes, Kim Hughes, Emma Snyder, Cal Strickland /Rx: Ertim (#20) 1 tab qd. Refill x 12 Drug Info: This drug
permits patient to become visible on CBS Daytime television. Continue use indefinitely.
- Patient: Andy Dixon /Rx: Zhapup (#30) 500 mg, 1 tab qd. Refill x 3 mos. Drug Info: This drug has been proven to prevent surliness and falling off the wagon. Do not drink while taking this drug. Most patients while taking this drug are able to cope with
the loss of long-distance girlfriends. Added benefits include exhibiting age-appropriate behaviour.
- Delores Pierce /Rx: Vamoze (#30) 100 mg., l tab qd. Refill as needed. Drug Info: This drug's effects are similar to those of
Dizapeer. Patient will not be visible on CBS Daytime. Side effects: some patients have been known to have an irresistible
compulsion to cut their hair.
- Julia Lindsay /Rx: Acerberium (#30) 500 mg, l tab qd. Refill x 12. Drug Info: This drug is an antidote for saccarineosis.
Patient will immediately begin to appear more human and may actually spit in someone's face. The halo effect of saccarineosis will
begin to disappear in about 7 days. Side effects: not everyone will love the patient.
- John Dixon /Rx: Nenezium (#365) 20 mg, 2 tab qd. Refill x 6 mos. Drug Info: This drug clears the sinuses immediately and
prevents patient from sticking his nose in everyone's life. Side effects: Patient may lose his personality and appear dull and lifeless.
- Lorraine Broderick /Rx: Retrouvil (#30) 100 mg, 1 tab qd. Refill x 12. Drug Info: This drug is guaranteed to prevent patient
from farking characters. It also restores respect for history and reverses the urge to create new characters. For maximum effect
should be taken after reading fan mail. Side effects: Patient may suddenly feel inadequate. If this occurs we recommend a long
visit w/Emma in her kitchen.
Although David Stenbeck has never been a patient of ours, Dr. Cheer offers the following suggestion: David Stenbeck/Rx: Klenjens (#180) 100 mg. Refill none. Drug info: This drug is an antidote which destroys evil inherited genes and replaces them with healthy synthetic ones. Caution: This drug must be administered in a qualified hospital with a controlled environment by a genie specialist.
Following treatment patient MUST attend regular therapy sessions run by the expert genie specialists at the Neume Clinic in Oakdale. Side effects: Patient may become indistinguishable from other patients at the Neume Clinic. Some patients have had difficulty getting out of the bottle.
As for Miss Conlan: Lucinda Walsh brought Miss Conlan in to see Dr. Cheer many times while Miss Conlan was in thrall to her. Dr. Cheer prescribed Vamoze and then Dizapeer. Neither of these drugs had the slightest effect on Miss Conlan, who seems to be extraordinarily resistant or perhaps immune to drug therapy. The only thing that Dr. Cheer can suggest for Miss Conlan an Rx for Ouipout. You may recall that this was the powerful drug given to Bobby Ewing following that terrible year of Dallas. However since Miss Conlan has been around almost two years Dr. Cheer is not at all certain that it would be effective. Dr. Cheer sends his
regards and hopes that his suggestions can help. He will be on a working vacation in Springfield for the next two weeks and regrets that he cannot make any more suggestions for this ailing soap at this time. He hopes that you understand that Springfield is in dire need of his expertise.
P.S. Pharmacist: Please call Barbara Ryan and tell her she needs to renew her Rx for Cammansenz. Would you please also remind her she is long overdue for a check-up?
Signed,
Dr. Cheer E. Ho
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