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AKA The Drivel War |
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By Margery
Chapter OneOur story begins as the war is over, and the carpetbaggers are overrunning the prominent citizens of Oaklana. Everyday practically we witness more and more of them, pouring in from the North, usurping and polluting Oaklana society. Carlette, who made many advantageous marriages, has emerged from the war a wealthy woman and is living at Fairwinds with her new husband Bratt. Bratt wants to use Carlette's money to gain advantages that he has never had. He dreams of power and influence. Having been so close so many times, Bratt has finally hit the jackpot! They are both outcasts in Oaklana society and hope to gain admission with their enormous wealth. Carlette on the other hand still pines for her one true love, the noble and honorable Jacksley, Bratt's All-American brother. Unfortunately, Jacksley has pledged his heart and soul to Julianie, a mealy-mouthed paragon of pulchritude and feminine virtue. Jacksley is a man of integrity. Carlette, never to be denied, throws herself at him at every opportunity. Jacksley cannot deny that he has loved Carlette, and he tries desperately to forget her and do what is honorable! The fair Julianie, unused to the rigors of thinking for herself, has been overwhelmed by the whirlwind of events unleashed and orchestrated by the dastardly carpetbagger Dread Herman. Now Dread has almost everyone in Oaklana under his control. He can do anything he wants and no one can stop him. He is no true Oaklanian. He usurped the villainous role formerly played by his doubtful father, General U.S. Stengrant, and the identity of his alter-ego/brother Captain Rabid Stengrant. The fair Julianie, believing that he is her savior, has left Oaklana with him, leaving Jacksley perplexed but in pursuit. It seems that nothing will stop Dread. He has kidnapped Golden and Silly's baby and given them the sickly Hopeless, illegitimate daughter of the lap-dancer Dense and Randy (a true Oaklanian-prone to over-imbibing), whom he bought from a crack-dealer. He has kept the one true Golden/Silly child, Meloved, from them for months. He has lied and schemed 24/7. He thinks he can get away with it all! Will it be Jacksley who uncovers Dread's nefarious plots and reveals that the fair Julianie has been a victim of a force greater than her fragile feminine psyche could ever be expected to overcome? No, alas! Jacksley, though pure in heart, is no match for Dread. Dread will meet his match in a schemer who makes him look like an amateur, the Stewart Clan Princess Memilie. Unfortunately for Dread, Memilie can think for herself and she can put two and two together faster than Big Blue. Now she is in the Oaklana Asylum with the Dread cast-off, Not-a-nanny. Any day now Not-a and the Princess are going to figure it out! Stay-tuned to WOAK, and Oaklana's Radio Reader, M. :-)) I bid you good-night!
Chapter TwoThe war brought about many changes for the Oaklanians. Some families were luckier than others casualty-wise. The Cash-Spider family was especially hard-hit. Besides losing her mother, town scion, Lulubelle Cash, Sylly Spider lost her aunt Sorrymantha and her uncle Durky. They had to high-tail it out of town when they were suspected of blowing up the gunboat belonging to Capt. Rabid. When the stragglers begin to return home perhaps we shall see them again. Poor Lulubelle practically lost her mind during the hostilities! She even married General Stengrant, whom we know is the enemy of all that is good and wonderful in Oaklana. At first it was thought that Lulu married the enemy to spy on him, but no! She even claimed she loved him. Sylly was beside herself with grief that her once invulnerable mother had sunk so low. Lulu has now been sent to a nursing home in Florida. Well, that is the story anyway. No one seems to know what her true condition is and if Oaklana will ever see her return once again to rule their city. The town Purveyor of Favors - Belly Catling - faired well during the war. She just keeps on going and now at last has blackmailed her way into a well-paying job at WOAK. Of course she continues her sideline work at the Catling House. Boy is she going to be surprised when she learns that her favorite gentleman caller, Randy Pughes has fathered a child out of wedlock with none other than Dense Cantnard! The Pughes family has been through so much! But at least there have been no recent deaths or disappearances. Dr. Hobert Pughes and his lovely wife Pim were missing for long periods of time, but have recently found their way back to Oaklana. The family was hit pretty hard by SORAS, as Diss and Adumm were aged several years so that they could cause even more distressing problems than they could have had they remained young children. Diss, who was a nice little boy is now intent on raising as much cane (not of the sugar variety) as possible. It seems that the family matriarch, Fancy has his number however. Then Dr. Hob's son, Dom destroyed his marriage to Lamargo! Dom suffered from the same ailment as Lulu Cash. He simply lost his mind! His disastrous bout with amnesia made him vulnerable to the Princess Memilie. This ill-fated union resulted in yet another baby in Oaklana. (There were a lot of babies conceived during the war!) So now Lamargo is seeing one of the newest carpetbaggers to come to town, the affable Malleck. Dom is left holding the baby! Now Princess Memilie comes from one of the oldest and revered families in Oaklana. Although we do not know for sure, she claims that her mother O.Susanna, who used to have a problem mixing over-imbibing and motherhood, caused her dysfunctional personality. P.M. did some horrible things during the war. She even tried to make Dom believe (which he did of course) that Lamargo was going to abort their baby. Well, to make a long story shorter, one night Mem and old Dom wound up on the Berber! And of course his life has never been the same since. Well, that's it from your Radio Reader for today! Tune in to WOAK, where all the men are handsome and the women strong (I hope!) :-)) M. |
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