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The back-biting comments, humor, or sarcastic remarks often make the show more enjoyable to watch. Here are just a few of the zingers characters have thrown back and forth.
John: I'm taking Meg's mother to dinner tonight.
Lucinda: Is that a date or a controlled experiment?
Craig: I knew you were manipulative, devious, cruel. But this is sadomasochistic.
Lucinda: Then what's bothering you about it?
Brad (to Rosanna): I just happen to have a key to the honeymoon suite. So what do you say? Do you want to pinch-hit for your sister?
Georgia: I never expected you to show up.
Eddie: Yeah, well you better get used to it. I'm gonna be showing up so much you'll want me to disappear.
Molly: You don't understand squat, psyche-boy. I have a Ph.D. in men and their tiny little brains.
Ben: When I'm down, Denise just gives me a big kick in the rear, kind of like a demented Rockette.
Brad: Jack and Carly...oil and water...Clinton and Quayle...these are things that just don't go together.
Molly: I'm not some freak that has to pop pills like potato chips like Julia Lindsay.
Reid: Right, you just see David Stenbeck's reflection in your mirror.
Carly (to Brad): If you can't be with the one you love, love the one with fifty million.
Andy: Molly, why are you here?
Molly: I could ask you the same question.
Andy: And in my case, isn't it obvious why I'm here? When i showed up tonight, I didn't want to see anyone and I still don't.
Molly: I didn't follow you here. I saw your car and I didn't want to be alone on New Year's. So then I was going to call my friends...but then I realized I don't have any.
Carly: If this doctor won't induce labor early, I'll go to another one. John Dixon can't be the only unethical doctor in this state.
John: Where do you think you're going?
Carly: Well, John, believe it or not, I'm not a scheming piece of trash 24 hours a day. I've been known to tire. Sometimes, I even lie down and fall asleep.
Brad: What an interesting shade of green!
Carly: What does Jack see in her?
Brad: She's beautiful, caring, sensitive...
Carly: She's boring, predictable...Did I mention boring?
Molly: Looks like somebody had himself a good time last night.
Andy: No lipstick, no phone numbers. Couldn't have been that much fun.
Molly: Andy, look, I don't know that much about AA, but don't they kinda look down upon drinking?
Brad: I think you should go back to your husband and run these plans by him first.
Carly: I'll run them by him later.
Brad: Why do I get the feeling that this house will have separate bedrooms?
Carly: Hey, Molly, we've gotta talk about your taste in friends here.
Brad: Brad's okay.
Carly: Brad's a creep!
Brad: Gee, all these compliments are gonna go to my head.
Carly: God knows it's big enough to hold them.
Ben: What were you good at in high school?
Denise: You mean in the classroom -- or in the parking lot?
Rosanna (to Carly): You're not fit to raise a curtain.
Evan: You've got to watch out for Marcy. She can be a man eater.
Holden: From what I hear, she prefers boys.
Denise (to Camille): Even though you called off your wedding banquet, you're still sniffing around for scraps.
Lisa (to Carly): Well, well, well. If it isn't Oakdale's answer to Linda Tripp.
Molly: Bring you what?
Emily: You heard me.
Molly: But I didn't believe it. What, are you into witchcraft now? You want me to bring you some dead things too?
Emily: Molly, I'm not in the mood for your warped sense of humor, okay? Just bring me the blood.
Molly: Fine, I'll just pop into my local 7-11 and get you some. You want regular or jumbo size?
Lucinda: This has got to be the oddest group of ladies I never invited.
Emily: He tried to strangle me.
Barbara: He tried to strangle all of us, but did he try to kill you?
Barbara: He lured me into the center of the ring with flowers he had left for me.
Emily: You are the only woman on the face of this earth who would walk into the center of a bull ring to get free flowers.
Emily: I still have nightmares about hims trangling me.
Lucinda: I'm sorry Emily, Barbara gets the points on the bull!
Julia: I'm sorry to ruin my reputation as a doormat, but I actually get upset when somebody stands me up.
Georgia: You want to show me your stuff, Travolta?
Eddie: No, I'd step all over you.
Georgia: Not if I stepped on you first.
Eddie: You mean you can't dance either?
Georgia: Who's going to teach me, my nana? The only thing she danced around was a cane.
James: We bothknow how this is going to play out. The police will bring David down. There'll be shooting. People will be hurt or killed. It doesn't have to happen that way.
Holden: So far, the only plan you've brought to the table is trying to talk sense to a psychopath!
James: Why are you so interested in labels? He's a human being who's disturbed right now, but he's still my son!
James: You are like a drug that I can't get out of my heart.
Lucinda: You finally went ut and bought yourself one of those?
Penny (during Molly and David's wedding): Who are these people?
Julia (to Carly): The poor child deserves a break, God knows he's not going to get any growing up with you.
David: Why didn't you just talk to women all night? Why didn't you just do that?
Molly: What are you, out of your mind, David? Wake up! Women hate me -- or hadn't you noticed?
Molly (referring to David talking to Holden): What was that all about?
David: You know...I don't really know. I guess Holden was afraid that the flashing boxes would capture his soul, so now he's walking upright in search of that secret fire.
Molly: Huh?
David: Your ex-obsession is acting like a cave man.
Brad to Lucinda: What is your type, aside from the occasional federal fugitive?
John: Oh, enough about Carly.
Barbara: I don't think there can ever be enough said about Carly Tenney.
Lisa: After all, I didn't get where I am just by screaming like an out-of-control teenager, just because things didn't go my way.
John: That's a matter of opinion you know.
Lisa: Oh shut up, John.
Lisa: I know that if Carly, if she has a heart condition than I
am a transvestite. Now look, I know the girl John, I know her, I have lived with her,
now she may be ethically challenged, but there is nothing
wrong with her health.
John: Now where did you get your medical degree?
Lisa: I got it from the school of common sense. Which tells me that
you have to be cooking up something with Carly, right?
John: You're dreaming all this, you know.
Lisa: No, no, wait a minute, I know what it is, this has something to
do with Hal and Barbara, am I right?
John: This is none of your business.
Lisa: No, no, you just wait a minute, I love Carly, I loved Barbara,
and I don't want to see anything happen to them.
John: You don't?
Lisa: No.
John: Then why don't you keep your nose out of other people's lives?
Lisa: I'm not butting in.
John: And while you are at it, let me give you a piece of advice, you
get a life of your own, and by that, I mean you ought to find yourself a
man.
Lisa: Oh, I'm not going to stay here...........
John: They're not exactly lining up though to be your next victim are
they? No matter how much money you've got.
Lisa: What?
John: No matter how many pounds of eyelash you've got blinking at
triple speed there.
Lisa: Oh John. (as Lisa leaves his office.)
John: Wait a minute, wait a minute, come on, hey, hey, I didn't mean
it. Hold on a minute. (as John runs after Lisa.)
Andy: I wouldn't shoot you anyhow.
Molly: Why not?
Andy: You look like a porn star.
Carly: You have to back me up on this!
Lisa: I don't have to. I don't have to do anything but pay taxes and die.
Samantha (to David): Oh gee, when even Molly Conlan won't talk to you, you know you're a real loser.
Hal: As impossible as this may be for you to fathom, Barbara, this is one of those situations that does not totally revolve around you. As a matter of fact, when I proposed to Carly, the thought of you never even crossed my mind.
Barbara: How about the thought of our children? How about the thought of Nikki? How do you think she's gonna feel having a stepmother that she has to get carded with?
Kirk: Like at the wedding. Everybody was looking at you. And why not? you were the most beautiful woman in the room.
Sam: Thank you. That's sweet of you. But the bride was more beautiful.
Kirk: Which one?
Sam: Well, not the one that was screaming and threatening people!
Emily: We are going to hire the best lawyer money can buy.
David: Yeah, right. I'm just going to dig real deep into that old pocket, pull out a quarter, and give old Johnnie Cochran a call.
Carly: You're such a nice guy.
Hal: Stop calling me names.
Hal: You know where Carly is?
Nikki: Gee, I don't know. Maybe out buying a dress for the junior prom?
Lily: I'm working on a project with Ecstasy Films.
Receptionist: Who's in it?
Lily: Molly....Martini.
Receptionist: Nice name. I've never heard of her. Has she done anything?
Lily: Sure - Nasty Girls! Did you see Nasty Girls? Molly's High School Reunion? Molly Does, uh, Everyone? That's my absolute favorite.
Molly: What do you know about how I feel?
David: Nothing. And believe me, it's more than enough.
David: Hey Tom, Nice to see you.
Tom: Wish I could say the same.
David: So off to the gym huh, it must be nice huh, to be able to work out in the middle of the day, I have to get mine out of the way at the crack of dawn.
Tom: I figured you get all your exercise running from subpoenas.
David: Ah, you know burn out is a drag isn't it, I first saw that with you back when I was your assistant. Do you remember that?"
Tom: I remember everything.
David: So what's it like not working Tom, tell me.
Tom: Well, it's gotta be less complicated than laundering all of Dad's money, and trying to quench the insatiable desire of Molly Conlan all at the same time.
David: Tom, you know you've always had a way with words, very nice, you ever thought of being a writer?
Tom: I could describe what I think of you in 25 words, or less.
Georgia: You and the lady cop were looking pretty cozy out there, Ed.
Eddie: That's some imagination you've got. What did you see -- a UFO out there, too?
Georgia: No -- but I know they exist too.
Molly: What makes you think I would be with someone who thought so little of me?
James: Molly, everyone thinks little of you.
Holden (to Jack, helping him find a personal ad to answer): All right, here we go. Willowly blonde with great legs seeks goofy-looking cop. Bullet scars a plus.
Molly: Did I say something to offend you?
Lily: You always say something to offend me Molly.
Emily: Beer before breakfast?
Kirk: Breakfast of champtions!
Emily: Let's see. What did James have that you don't? Money...power...brains?
Kirk: Criminal record? We do have that in common.
Barbara (referring to Nikki): How do you think she's going to feel, having a stepmother that she has to get carded with?
Georgia: I grew up with the tacky look - skirts too tight, too short; big, bright colors; so many bracelets and necklaces you can hear them coming a mile down the block.
Eddie: How the hell else is anybody going to know how much you spent?
John: I used to be able to count all my friends on one hand. Now I don't have to take that hand out of my pocket.
Lucinda: If you want to kill someone, you don't strangle them in a public hallway. You just have to make a few discretionary phone calls.
James: Sorry, my dear, but I'm the only Stenbeck who gets to come back from the dead.
Jake: I could definitely use another challenge. I mean, Bay City is kind of dead these days. And Oakdale would be another world to conquer.
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